Me
Please, if there’s anything I can personally do to help, use me as a resource! I’m not all-knowing or all-powerful, but I’ve got a lot to share, and I love to share what I can! Ask a question here, or use my Contact Me page to reach out and let me know how I can help
mormonandgay.lds.org
This is the section of the official website of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that addresses same-sex attraction. Whether or not you think you already know the Church’s stance on this, if you haven’t read this, do it! I think it’s a great resource both for people personally dealing with SSA and for parents, siblings, friends, leaders, and ward members who want to understand and support us from within the framework of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
North Star
North Star (www.northstarlds.org) is an organization that, though not Church sponsored, has as its mission to help Church members who deal with same-sex attraction and/or gender dysphoria to be happy and thrive within the Church/gospel, and it’s specifically committed to supporting the leadership and doctrine of the Church. They have resources on their website and also have Facebook and email groups people can join for support, including groups specific to men, women, teens, etc. They have firesides once a quarter, occasional game nights, and an annual conference (see next).
I’m personally involved in most of this, including the Facebook and email groups. I find the in-person stuff especially valuable because of the people I’ve met and the community I feel with them. The Facebook and email groups are a bit of a mixed bag for me. I expected everyone to be on the same page as me, because we all have to commit to supporting the leadership and doctrine of the Church in order to join, but in practice it’s not quite like that, and there’s a fair bit of complaining and contrary opinion that I mostly ignore but is sometimes annoying. People can think and feel whatever they want, but when I’m in a group that promises to act a certain way, I like it when they do:).
The North Star Conference
This is an annual event, in March. This year’s conference was Friday, Mar 15 and Saturday, Mar 16, with an opening social the night of Thursday, Mar 14 and a closing testimony meeting the morning of Sunday, Mar 17. Leadership sessions are free to leadership and are mostly on Saturday. There’s also a track specifically for youth. , which Becky Mackintosh heads up. She’s great, especially at working with parents!
If you’re nervous about the idea of attending a conference full of gay people, don’t worry–I was nervous before I went, too (and yeah, we’re talking 600+ people who are experiencing SSA or gender dysphoria or who are there to support their friends and family. As a man with SSA who also loves the gospel, I find this to be a great opportunity to 1) see that you’re not even close to alone, 2) see that gay people come in all shapes, sizes, and personalities–you’re not doing it wrong, 3) be surrounded by people who get you and will take you right in, hug you, and let you know you belong, and 4) be inspired by great speakers and music and others who are walking the path you’re on!
Voice(s) of Hope
Voice(s) of Hope (ldsvoicesofhope.org) “is a living repository of inspiring stories from Latter-day Saints sharing their personal journeys as they work to reconcile their sexual orientation or gender identity with their faith.” For most people, there’s an essay, a video, and a shorter/condensed video available. My essay and videos were published here a year ago (and were a year old at the time, so it still says I live in CA). The videos are also available on YouTube. Another video/essay I’d really recommend is Will Edgel’s.
Your Other Brothers (YOB)
Your Other Brothers (www.yourotherbrothers.com) is a group similar to North Star, but more generically Christian, and more specific to men with same-sex attraction. They have a blog and podcast, both of which have some great material and regular new content. They tend to be great at speaking directly and openly and fairly about SSA and related experiences, while always keeping things tied back to faith and Christ. For those who support YOB on Patreon, there’s a Facebook community and different opportunities to interact (mostly online, but they’re also having their 2nd annual retreat in May, which I’ll be going to). In my experience, members of this group are more likely to be committed to the parameters of the group and to what they call the “traditional Christian sexual ethic” (sex only between man and woman, within marriage) than people on the NorthStar Facebook/email groups. We don’t talk much about the differences in our specific beliefs, choosing to focus on what unites us instead.
Being Prepared to Love LGBT Latter-day Saints | A Conversation With 4 LDS Bishops
This is a great podcast to listen to as a bishop or other Church leader. One of the 4 is my friend Travis Steward, who has been a bishop, stake president, and mission president, works at the MTC, and is a trusted friend and role model–who came out only about 3 years ago (about the same time I did)
Listen, Learn, and Love
Listen, Learn, and Love (listenlearnandlove.org) is another resource largely focused on helping leaders and other members know how to support LGBTQ members. Richard Ostler, who heads that up, isn’t LGBT himself, but has kind of taken it as his personal mission to help members support their LGBTQ friends and family. The content here is kind of a mix of faith affirming and gay affirming (explained below). Podcast titles usually tell you what viewpoint the interviewee is coming from.
Faith-affirming vs. Gay-affirming
Obviously there are some pretty different ways of approaching and dealing with the experience of same-sex attraction. One general distinction I’ve come to see is between faith-affirming and gay-affirming approaches/resources. Basically, faith-affirming groups choose to go with faith (including teachings about sex and marriage) when that conflicts with desires for same-sex relationships, where gay-affirming groups tend to affirm people in whatever lifestyle they want to live, and often try to change the Church to be more accepting of lifestyles that don’t fit with the gospel. Some communities also refer to these two as Side B (faith-affirming) and Side A (gay-affirming). Most of the resources above are faith-affirming (which it should be obvious is where I stand), but I’ll share a couple below that I see as more gay-affirming resources, in case that’s more of what will be helpful for you.
Encircle
Encircle (encircletogether.org) is an “LGBTQ+ Family & Youth Resource Center” with HQ in that nice renovated older house just south of the Provo City Center temple.
Affirmation
“A community of support for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer Mormons across the spectrum of sexual orientation, gender identity, and faith.”